Want To Work Abroad?

I just read this email newsletter from a magazine focused on supporting women and mothers who work. I couldn't believe how accurate the description was, and I can't agree with this more:

“See the world! Go to exotic locations! It’s an exciting adventure, like a vacation all the time! Or not,” Dr. Robin Moriarty, Managing Director of Kimberly-Clark, Hong Kong, tells PINK.

Though research shows an international assignment can skyrocket a career, “the truth is, international assignments are incredibly amazing and difficult, and they’re not for everyone,” she says.

Even with the family in tow, the situation “can stress a marriage, especially when the trailing spouse is the husband, not the wife,” Moriarty explains.

The past year in China has been stressful in more ways than I ever imagined possible. Culture shock is still real for us every day, and though we've learned enough Mandarin to get by, we encounter frustrating situations almost daily. Here's an example from about two weeks ago...

I was traveling to a local factory (by local, I mean about an hour and a half away) for work. The day before, my coworker asked if it was okay if she left a couple heavy binders at the office, and I could stop at the office on the way to her house to pick them up. I decided at the last minute to take the binders home with me by strapping them to the back of my bike so we wouldn't have to waste time swinging by the office in the am. However, my coworker had already left and instructed the driver to stop by the office.

The next morning I tried to tell the driver we no longer needed to stop to pick up the binders. He didn't speak a word of English, my Mandarin was too poor to communicate, and my cell phone - though it had full power - was mysteriously not working (this happens frequently enough that it's no longer a surprise to me). The driver was new, and having never driven to our office before, he drove to the wrong building, then parked on the side of the road so I could get out and run in.

I tried over and over to tell him I didn't need anything at the office and to continue on, but this only frustrated him. He called a friend to help, but the friend only spoke Mandarin as well.

After a couple of minutes sitting on the side of the road with a flustered driver, I decided the easiest thing for me to do would be to get out of the car, walk into the building (that was not where my office is located), and pretend to do something while there. I stood inside for about 2 minutes, then walked back to the car and got in, telling him it was OK to go on. He started the engine and away we went!

The language barrier for me is a huge frustration every day, and yet, I have no one to blame but myself. I live in China and should learn to speak the language here, but it's so challenging, it's going to take a lot more time and effort on my part to become fluent. I like spending any free time I have with Dean, so finding the time to study the language hasn't been a priority. I'm not even sure how to go about learning it - hire a tutor? Try to get a weekend class? Find something to attend on my lunch break?

Right now my main technique is to carry an Oxford Chinese-English dictionary with me everywhere I go, and when I have a minute, I open it to study words that I wish were in my vocabulary. I figure it's better than nothing, but even as I type this, I'm feeling ashamed that I've lived here for 12 months and still speak so little of the local language.

One Year Mark

We hit the one year mark for living in China on April 14th. Wahoo! It's been quite an adventure thus far.

Last Friday, Matt cut his finger very badly and had to travel to Hong Kong for emergency reconstructive surgery. Thanks to a huge gust of wind slamming a heavy door that crushed the bone in the tip of his middle finger, he spent two nights in Canossa Hospital on Hong Kong Island. He received 8-10 stitches along with IV's a couple times each day to fight off infection. The staff there were wonderful and took very good care of their patient.

Dean and myself spent Saturday night in a hotel room within walking distance to the hotel so we could visit. The experience made me realize how much I miss the ease and convenience of having a hospital you can trust nearby, like what we had in Atlanta. I mean, we had to have our passports stamped to visit him!

When the Dr. unwrapped Matt's finger for the last time before sending him home on Sunday, he asked me to look at it so he could explain what it would look like if it started to get infected. Dean was in my arms at the time and looked on with a very concerned expression. After contemplating the injury for a minute, he pointed and said "daddy owwww". We laughed and agreed with him. Along with saying new words every day, the little guy is looking more and more like a boy instead of a baby.

Before traveling into Hong Kong on Saturday to visit Matt, I took Dean to a 1st birthday party. The party consisted of several "expat" children from the U.S., a little boy whose parents' are from France, and one Chinese boy. It turned into a pool party when halfway through the parents blew up an inflatable pool from the local Walmart and set it on the balcony outside. Their apartment is on the 21st floor overlooking Shenzhen Bay, which made for a very scenic backdrop. It reminded me of a mini swimming pool on the top of a cruise ship.

Though he was the youngest one to get in the water, Dean was by far the most excited and adventurous. He splashed, jumped, giggled, and even stuck his face under the water a couple times. He was one of the first ones in, and I had to drag him out long after the other kids were dry and on to cake and ice cream. I think we've got a swimmer on our hands. I'm looking forward to weekend pool time this summer!

Dean's Family Wall

A couple months ago I decided the bare white walls of Dean’s room were too much, and it needed some color. I cut out letters from colored construction paper to spell the word “FAMILY” and stuck photos all around of his grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles using bits of clear packaging tape.

It’s not the most stylish of collages, and it won’t be featured in Pottery Barn any time soon, but I love it. We'll ask Dean things like "where's Granddaddy? where's cousin Mia?" and he'll point to the correct pictures. Every night when he goes to bed we say goodnight to the bridge to Hong Kong, the lighthouse & boats outside, and his family on the wall.

Not Fresh Enough

Today (Wednesday) I took leftovers for lunch to the office. They were from Monday, and included beans, potato slices, and bits of chicken. I asked one of my coworkers to order some extra rice for me from the delivery place they were ordering from. I used the rice as a base and filler for my leftovers.

One coworker, Kathy, asked me where I got the food and I explained that Dean’s Ayi, who is a fabulous cook, made them for lunch on Monday. “So old!” she exclaimed. “They’ve been in the refrigerator – and they’re really not that old” I answered her.

She explained that she always throws away anything that is not eaten within 24 hours. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this, and probably won’t be the last. My coworkers often tell me not to “da bow” (doggie bag) items like noodles because they are so fresh and lacking preservatives, so they will go bad very quickly.

I’m really not sure how much truth there is to this. I wonder if it’s the way their parents raised them to think, based on the fact that most of them didn’t grow up with a refrigerator.

When we first moved here we noticed that eggs are not kept in refrigerators in the grocery store. I was afraid to buy non-chilled eggs, thinking that they would be spoiled when I got them home, especially during the hot summer months. At some point we got over that and we now buy unrefrigerated eggs regularly. I think at least part of the reason they are not refrigerated in stores here is because they are fresher than in the U.S., but I haven’t gotten a real clear answer from coworkers on this. When I ask them why they don’t refrigerate them, they tell me they “just don’t” and that it is unnecessary.  

Apart from the eggs, we were also surprised to find that here in China they do not stamp foods with a “best if used by” date. Instead, it’s a “packaged on XX/XX” date. We like to buy fresh milk from Hong Kong dairy, and usually it’s packaged the day before we buy it. The largest size we’ve found is smaller than 1 pint, so we go through it pretty quick. The milk is probably fresher here than in the U.S., though that is not to say it’s healthier. We have no idea how it’s processed, but so far, we haven’t gotten sick from it (that we know of).

What we do know is that milk is expensive – about the equivalent of $8.00 a gallon if you convert it. It’s cheaper and more common to buy boxed milk here, but we still think it’s strange to buy unrefrigerated milk off the shelf. It just doesn’t seem fresh enough.

White Cloud Sunday

Ahhhh Sunday, how I love you so! Today it was particularly white outside, and once again I feel like we live in a cloud. I can't see anything from our 17th floor balcony outside, not even the ground. I don't think it's entirely pollution and smog today though. The air feels wet and everything in the house is a bit damp. I picked up a pair of pants this morning crumpled in the corner of our room from yesterday and they felt very damp, then I noticed they'd left behind a white water mark on the wood floors. I promise I didn't pee in them and they were dry when I took them off yesterday! There's also condensation on all of the windows. I can understand why so many buildings in southern china have black mold and mildew growing inside.

It's so nice to relax on the weekends and not stress about running errands. We're within walking distance of several grocery stores and have a slew of delivery menus on hand for everything from pizza to groceries, so as long as we have cash from the atm, there's no fear of starvation. With the cloud in full force this morning, it felt like a veg on the couch kind of day. Dean went down for an early nap so I didn't take him to church; instead I spent the morning curled up on the sofa reading a book.

Around 4:30 I started feeling guilty for letting Dean watch 2 hrs of cartoons, even though they were in Chinese so it's kind of an educational experience. I took him for a walk to the closest import store to buy milk and see if anything special caught my eye. We were in luck - fresh mini marshmallows in easter/spring colors shipped in from usa! A bag was only 15 yuan, or about $2.30, which I consider a real bargain compared to most of the prices in this store. I really wanted to buy a pkg of cheddar cheese, but at 40 yuan for 8 oz (over $6), I managed to restrain myself.

I am finally starting to make friends with fellow moms in our complex, and it's fun to walk outside and run into them, letting the kids have impromptu play sessions. Dean and I had just such an experience on the way home. We ended up playing for over an hour at a playground underneath one of the buildings near us. Thankfully it's not too hot out yet, so our milk didn't spoil.

Dean has a red plastic ride-on car that I let him "drive" to the store to get milk. When it was time to go inside, he hopped on his car for the short commute home. He's gotten really good at Fred Flinstone foot action, so he can really get some speed on the thing. At one point, with his feet in full motion, he started shouting something out loud. I referred to it as cute baby babble to my friend, who laughed out loud. Though not fluent, she has a pretty extensive Chinese vocabulary and she explained that he was shouting "kuai, kuai" which means "fast, fast" in Mandarin. Aha!

A similar aha moment had already happened to me this weekend on Friday evening. I got home from work and Dean was excited to see me. He was rambling a bit but I heard him say "bao bao", which I know as "baby" in Mandarin. I smiled and shook my head asking if he had seen a baby recently on TV or outside. Ayi Ms. Yiao, who keeps Dean during the day and speaks about as much English as I do Mandarin, corrected me. She picked up Dean and handed him to me to show me what he was saying. "Bao bao" with the sounds Dean used meant "hold me". Aha!

I think bao bao is spelled the same in pinyin, the language used to write the sounds of Chinese characters using romanized font, for both "baby" and "to hold". But the tones are different for each word, so the sounds of the words are very different.

Now I'm really wondering how many other Chinese words Dean knows and says to me without me understanding. We had hoped that he would learn to speak Mandarin, but now that it's happening, I feel very disappointed in myself for living here a year but not taking the time and effort to learn the language. Dean's ever expanding vocabulary is inspiring me to tackle this project head on. I'm determined to find a tutor or school for Matt and myself this coming week. The next time a big white cloud outside makes me feel like a couch potato, I hope to crack open a Mandarin book to study instead of a cheesy romance novel.

No Earthquakes or Tsunamis, but Major Pollution

It's Monday and we're kicking off another week. Unfortunately, I think Dean passed his cold virus to me and now I'm battling major congestion. I spent much of the weekend resting and sleeping, trying to fight off a head cold.

My troubles are minor in the grand scheme of things. We are fortunate that we're far enough away from Japan (about 3 hours by plane, and over 1,300 apart) that we didn't feel or experience any impact from the horrible earthquakes and tsunamis ravishing the country. We live on the edge of Shenzhen Bay with water always in sight, and I occasionally have nightmares about a wall of water washing us away.

I keep seeing updates on yahoo.com about nuclear power plant troubles, and my heart goes out to those in need right now. Events like this are a constant reminder to us of how far away from our family we are. I worry more now about the affects of natural disasters than I did in Atlanta, where the occasional tornado or thunderstorm warning was our biggest concern.

Instead of major catastrophes, we're battling a daily grind with depressing levels of pollution in Shenzhen. It feels like we're living in a cloud due to the constant haze and white smog around our building. Visibility is only about a quarter of a mile, and even that is questionable.

I came across this blog post when googling "pollution in China" and it really hits the nail on the head: 7 Things you should know about China's pollution problem

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I know the pollution is really high right now, but I can't find anything from the Chinese government that confirms it or tells me just how high the level is. I can look out the window and see it in the form of a hazy white cloud, or feel the sting in my eyes and throat at the end of the day, but I don't know how it officially compares to polluted cities in USA. I'm not even sure I would want to know! For now, I'm just considering this a stay inside kind of day.

Back in the PRD

We made it back safe and sound to Shenzhen, aka the Pearl River Delta (PRD), from our whirlwind trip to Seoul. We were worried about traveling with sick little Dean, but he was a real trooper and made it through fine. He goes crazy with excitement when he sees airplanes in the sky or on the ground, so right now a trip to the airport is a special treat for him. He especially loves to look out the window on takeoff and landing to see what's out there in the big wide world.

As for seeing sights in Seoul, the trip was a bust. Work consumed my entire time there and taking care of sick Dean was a full-time job for Matt. Once again, mom guilt weighed heavy on my shoulders. I hated leaving the guys alone in the hotel room in the morning and I was sad to arrive back after Dean was in bed each night.

Monday and Tuesday night Matt headed out to get dinner at local restaurants after I returned to the room. Fortunately, he was able to try authentic Korean BBQ and loved it. He also managed to make friends with a street food vendor selling what Matt referred to as "rotisserie chicken and kimchee wraps with yellow sauce." I tried a bite of one and it was tangy, sweet and zesty with very moist chicken, kind of like a soft chicken taco with honey mustard and sauerkraut. After buying two wraps on Sunday and Monday night, the vendor laughed when he saw Matt Tuesday night and gave him a free wrap.

A few observations about Seoul - though keep in mind while reading this that we were there about 72 hours and saw little outside the hotel:
1) It feels cleaner than China and much more westernized. I only experienced western toilets, no 101's
2) There's more orderly traffic than Shenzhen, and fewer scooters and bikes used as the main form of transportation
3) It's easy to find English speaking people to ask directions or to help you out. A woman at the airport looked highly offended when I asked her if she spoke English before asking her a question.
4) It's expensive. For example, a buffet lunch at the hotel where we stayed cost $70 per person (we passed). There was a Starbucks on every corner - seriously, we passed 4 different ones within a couple blocks of our hotel when we drove to the factory - and a ton of donut shops, including Duncan Donuts and Krispy Kreme. I didn't make it to the night market, but Matt explored it a little and quickly decided the deals were not good enough to waste time on.

With such a short trip and no time to get out and explore, it kind of felt just like any other big city. I would love to go back someday when Matt and I have free time to explore.